Disability Mystique

In my society, the NTs, those without autism and all those special needs like dyslexia, they are encouraged to go on to college and get the highest degrees they get. 

For now, the trend is that, all NTs who can make it are encouraged to go on to university. And get the highest degrees they could get, be it Master's or LLBs or even MBBSes. Recent educational reforms in Singapore expanded higher education access to 40% of Singapore's population. This means, slightly less than half of those of an age cohort could get into University, with public funding. 

However, it is a different story for those with learning disability. They are expected to flip burgers, wash cars or serve food in restaurants. They are not expected to do well in studies. All the different social mechanisms in Singapore just seem to fail Singaporeans with learning disabilities. 

I know cases of academically capable Singaporeans with learning disabilities get talked out of university because of their learning disability alone. I often hear comments by counselors to those students, "Oh, those schools won't give you career opportunities, given the perception of employers viewing your learning disabilities anyway. Just do a practical course and prove to them you can definitely be hands-on, and do the tasks in hand". Then these capable people who are talked to do the vocational (and hence, veering off the track from University), instead of doing well in those courses, they drop out, and then get unemployed, because they cannot fit into the technical training, when they're better suited for the typical Liberal Arts college/university work.

What if these people also have dreams like other Singaporeans, wishing to do well enough to get a degree, and to eventually serve for the Civil Service, like, say, being a teacher? There could be a firmly entrenched and seemingly grounded belief, that causes people with learning disabilities losing their hopes, visions and desires to do good, due to some delusions.

Like many Singaporeans, I also want to get an advanced degree and serve society. Unlike most Singaporeans, though, I work hard because I think there is potential in some people who are disadvantaged. There are the poor who are discouraged by persistent unemployment at low wages, there are people who are kept out of many job/career-related opportunities because of their perceived or actual disabilities, then there are also people who are oppressed because of their religion (for Jehoviah's Witnesses are not allowed to practice in Singapore) or political belief (for the current government still has an iron grip on the media, issuing permits to newspapers to publish, every year). I call them, collectively, the disadvantaged. And my purpose is to make the disadvantaged feel better, and have a sense of closure and satisfaction, as they have a common goal to pursue their dream, without fear.

For a free, open and accepting society for all, I am doing the hard thing. I currently hope to finish my degree and work for a few years, before getting a proper accounting certification for the good work I do. I really hope to change my society, through my auditing and accounting work, to competently and accurately portray the strengths and shortcomings of various business processes in the companies.

However, there are two different sources of pressures.

One comes from external. Anxiety issues, I suppose. The usual taunting by classmates, since I slog day in and day out in the library and still get a less-than-desired result. It's due to my lack of accommodations (which my parents talked me out of not taking, they'd be really useful to me), pressures to complete the degree as fast as I can, as well as the uncertainty of employment after my graduation. Even those Aspies I know in Singapore say, they resign to a life of either unemployment, or doing low-skilled jobs. They find it tiring to fight the society, or even challenge it.

Another comes from within. After some internal thought, I think I had been dissipating energy through studying my current business/accounting course, because I do not feel putting in 100% of my effort in accounting. Somehow, even though I try to rein in my emotions, there's still something within me that really does not see the link between accounting and gradual hope and inspiration for a whole spectrum of people. And this is unacceptable to me, given that I really envision myself to feel fresh and energetic, and feel positive, for the work I do. 

It is the internal pressure from within that has been cracking me all along. Even more than the disability mystique. I don't know how to deal with them.

But eventually, I'll give myself some time to reconsider my options. Perhaps, when I am more mature, I may be able to make more informed decisions. But, for now, when my psychological condition is still okay, I'll still make the best out of my life by doing in accounting work.