Whose dreams am I living?

It is hard to reconcile between my parents' dreams and my own dreams.

I feel rather torn on this part. My parents wanted me to be like them, a Chinese medicine practitioner. I think I know the formula to get into medicine school: great grades + getting clinical experience + do science research + great recommendations by teachers - and they wouldn't want me to develop other areas of expertise, unless I prove myself to be exceptional in these areas. In addition, I know that it is hard to get scientific research and clinical experience with my autism diagnosis. I have High Functioning Autism, and in terms of both medical and psychological barriers, my parents just want to push me to do something I can't do, so this really leaves a dark spot no matter where I go, and I am prejudiced...

But on the other hand, I feel really stressful. My sisters are all either doctors or married to some business people. So they can comfortably support themselves even with rather stressful jobs of pleasing the in-laws and the superiors. Me? I am a man. I have to support the family. And I do not have the luxury of welfare money - I have to find a way to support myself.

Plus, I have some motor skills problems. I am ok in conducting science experiments and I love them. I used to cook in my free time, to improve on-hands skills. However, eventually, my parents and my teachers have the problem with this - I am slow with my hands like a turtle, and I always mess things up. 

Eventually, it went to a point that I am forced to drop all my science courses. The very weird thing in our education system is that, you cannot do Mathematics or Statistics in university without doing Physics (or Chemistry, or other science subjects), in public universities. 

In retrospect, I think I would do a decent job in Mathematics-related careers, like being an actuarist. If possible, I should even think of this career in mind, and sign up for an actuarial science course somewhere, since an actuary almost always has great demand no matter where s/he goes.

I wanted to do mathematics as a career. I believe mathematics is something which we can hone, not in-born. I do not have the best math skills but I just want to try, try and try again.

Being good at what we do would be great. Having the social knowledge to meet my own goals and my family's reputation, however, would be more relevant to me.